We all know the difference between positive and negative vibes, especially in conversations. Criticism, complaints, disagreements, blames, frowns and judging comments send out negative vibes. While enthusiasm, gratitude, appreciation, interests and warming smiles fall into the positive vibe camp.
Folks emitting positive energy tend to be more upbeat and, thus, more interesting to talk to rather than their Negative Nelly counterparts. Whether it is your first date or a friend, folks gravitate towards those who make them feel warm, safe and welcome. Think of people as flowers. They want to bask in sunlight and will go above and beyond to reach it.
So, how do you send forth those positive vibes? Especially on a first date? Here are some tips from Psychology Today:
1) Avoid crtitcal or judgmental comments. This includes when you are talking about yourself (“I’m really not that good with . . .”), your ex (“She paid too much attention to her (blank)”), the current situation or even your date. It will leave an unpleasant taste in everyone’s mouth. Stick to your best attributes and shining a light on the positive side of situations. People are sexy when they talk about what they are excited about — and less so when discussing the ills in their world.
2) Show interest in the other person. Ask questions about them and be attentive to their answers. Ask a few follow-up questions if you don’t fully understand or just to seek more information about the topic at hand. The more interested you are in someone, the more interested in you they are. It’s crazy how that works but it does.
3) Try starting conversations with the following statements when they apply to the tone and nature of the conversation. Not only do they ooze enthusiasm but they show you’ve been listening:
* “Yes, . . . ”
* “I agree, . . .”
* “Thank you for . . . ”
* “That makes sense to me . . .”
* “Good! (Excellent! Great! . . . ”
* “How . . .?” or “What . . . ?”
4) Use positive non-verbals such as smiles, laughter, head nods, hugs and eye-contact to convey your enthusiasm and interest. These will have added punch when used in tandom with #3 above.
Give it a try and let us know how positivity impacted your first encounter with that special someone.
Keep smiling, sunshine!