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Be Specific: Tips for Asking Someone Out

How to Ask a Girl/Guy OutYou’ve spent the entire evening at the new art gallery opening chatting with someone you dig. Or perhaps you have finally mustered the courage to ask your favorite barista out for something other than your “usual.” Perhaps you are feeling good and decide to take a chance and talk to the hottie that rides the same bus as you each morning.

In short, it’s time to make a move and ask them out on a date.

Okay, sure, there’s a small, miniscule chance that they may decline. That’s life. Truth of it is, you will never know until you try. And, if you don’t, there’s probably someone else who will step up to the plate and take a swing — home run or not.

First of all, don’t build the event up in your mind with all the ways Mr. or Miss Interesting may turn you down . . . or anticipation freak out that they may in fact say yes. The easiest way is to avoid seeing it as asking for a date. In fact, take the pressure off by not using the “d” word at all. Don’t ask for a date, call it a date or even mentally reference is as such. Focus on the activity and position it to the other person as you would ask a friend.

Second, keep the invite light and casual. Consider grabbing a cup of coffee or heading out together for lunch. It’s low pressure and has a defined end time that can’t really be extended into the late night hours. No good night kiss awkwardness. No obligations.

Ask about a subject and drop a hint. Ask what they like to do on the weekends. If their response jives with something you enjoy or have on your iPhone calendar, respond with “We should go hiking sometime together” or “Are you attending the opening gala for the art gallery?” This drops a hint in their court and opens the door for hanging out together.

If you still feel uncomfortable about asking them out directly, go about it in a round about way. Mention that you are doing something, like walking on the sea wall, on a specific day and ask them if they would like to tag along. This will make you feel less vulnerable and take the pressure off them. (Again, that “d” word.)

The key is to be specific. Saying “I would like to meet you for coffee this Thursday” is more powerful than “sometime” or “when you are free.” Or worse, just saying “Let’s get together sometime.” Your prospective date will be more comfortable if they know exactly what it is you want to do and when.


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