Each of us has our own path to travel when it comes to finding success in dating. You may have some circumstances that make your dating life a bit more challenging than others.
After going through a divorce, there are lots of things to think about before you decide to take the plunge back into the dating game. From the IJL Elite clients I have worked with, here’s a few tid bits of advice to succeed in dating after a divorce.
Plan Your Conversation Topics
Before you go on a date, think of things you can talk about so you don’t end up rehashing stories about the ex. The easiest route, ask questions. People love to talk about themselves. Asking questions will reveal the type of person they are, and they will find you interesting for asking. Talk about your job, what keeps you busy on the weekend or a trip you recently took.
Positive Frame of Mind
No one wants to hear trash talking about your former spouse. It makes them feel like you aren’t ready to be in the dating market. It also scares them off. Expressing negativity, especially on a first date, implies that you are tangled up in a lot of drama. Which is a deal killer for many.
Granted, your former other half may have done some pretty rotten things. But a date isn’t a therapy session. Nor is it a chance for you to play “one up” with the other person at the table as to who has the worst former flame. You want to make a good impression. Leave those stories at home for the the first couple of dates. Your date wants to know about you, not your former marriage.
How to Talk About the Ex
Eventually, there will come a time when you need to fill in your new crush about your former relationships. Here are a few tips for giving the overview:
- Skip the details. Focus on what you learned and how it made you a better person.
- Be neutral when speaking about the former partner. If you criticize your ex, you risk sounding petty and emotionally involved. Too nice, and you sounds as though you still harbor feelings for your former spouse.
- Know what you want out of a relationship and what you’re capable of. Be honest with yourself, and then with others.
Know We’ve All Been There
Whether it is a divorce, the end of a long-term relationship, we’ve all suffered a point of heartbreak in our lives. We’ve all been hurt, suffered some pain or survived a loss. The idea of facing that ordeal again can be daunting. The best way to start moving forward towards your second chance of love is to focus on the here and now. What happened in your relationship history is history. Every potential match is different — and not your former flame. Each date is a chance to start another love story.
Promise to give yourself the time to enjoy the dating process. Dating can and should be lots of fun. Keep this in mind and you’ll have a much better time than you think.