Home » Ask a Matchmaker » Beyond the First Six Months: Coping with the Ups & Downs

Beyond the First Six Months: Coping with the Ups & Downs

Relationship Ruts Honeymoon PhaseWe’ve all been in that peachy keen phase where every little mannerism our new crush has is just beyond adorable. Every statement they utter drops you to your knees. They are so understanding, wonderful and beautiful. The two of you agree on everything and are completely in sync about everything.  What’s more, you’ve never felt like this before. Ever. Ever.

Oh. It’s a joyous phase. Those first three to six months are magical. And then the first kiss fairy dust wears off and the little things that were just outside of your rose-tinted vision starts to comes into focus.

Almost overnight, you have a hard time overlooking the cereal bowl that is ALWAYS left in the sink. The cabinet doors left open in the kitchen is no longer cute after you have been hit in the head for the thirteenth time. You find yourself daydreaming about having the house to yourself . . . or a night without them right there ALL THE TIME. And, quite frankly, you don’t like roller-blading at the crack of dawn on Saturday.  You never have. Ever. Ever.

Does this signal the end of the relationship? Hardly. It signals the start of it.

Relationships are a cycle. There are good times, bad times, ups and downs.  While the shininess of the relationship has worn off, it doesn’t mean the two of you aren’t meant to be together. It’s part of the process. Occasional ruts are part of the roadmap to bliss.
So, how do we survive the hills and valleys? Here are a couple of suggestions:

Never Use Absolutes (Always, Never)
Absolutes are weapons wielded in relationships to show victim and person to be blamed. “You always do THIS” or “You NEVER do THAT.” Do they really happen all the time? Does the person NEVER pick up their socks? Absolutes do nothing but put the other person on the defensive and builds barriers of resentment between the two of you.

Instead, tackle the actual incident or issue.It makes the discussion and your feelings more relevant. “Last night, when you threw your socks on the floor, I felt frustrated.” It’s current. It’s tackling the real issue.

Pace Yourself
Don’t spend every spare moment with your new love. Have different hobbies. Take time for yourself. The flip side of the coin is true — let them branch out, hang with friends and explore activities that make them happy.This will give you both energy and maintain that spark you found attractive at the beginning.

If you are in a relationship rut, the best thing you can do is break out of the norm. Try something new. Go camping. Venture to a new restaurant. Reconnect with one another by making a special date night. Keep the love alive by giving it a bit of a jump start once in awhile.


Comments are closed.