What are you looking for in a date?
Most of my clients list the usual attributes, such as intelligence, professional, kindness, sense of humour and trustworthiness. Some people have height requirements while others have a preference for a certain hair color or body type. Knowing what you want and who you’re looking for really helps to find the right person.
So, how is it that the person we wind up with doesn’t always match our search criteria? The short answer is that we have a vision of what we want, but we don’t always know what it is we need. But there’s a bit more to that.
The laws of attraction are a mystery. Often we are attracted to people who are similar to us, in positive and negative aspects. It’s kind of like picking out matching luggage. The pieces look great together, but that doesn’t mean they hold what you need. You’re picking partners that fit a certain pattern, yours, because they are familiar. They are comfortable.
After years of working with tens of thousands of clients, I have found one piece of advice that makes the biggest difference when it comes to whether or not people are successful at dating: their willingness to step outside of their comfort zone.
One of the most common dating mistakes people make is dating the same type of person and expecting different results. Open yourself up to connecting with people who have similar core values but different professions, backgrounds and interests. Simply put — find someone who complements you.
It’s in the definition of complementary: combining in such a way as to enhance or emphasize the qualities of each other or another. Your partner’s strengths are your weaknesses and vice versa. You can have overlapping strengths, both of you are organized, but overlapping weaknesses can add strain to a relationship.
When seeking Mr. or Mrs. Right, it’s important to break free of our past selection habits and step out of our comfort zone.
Here are a few questions to ask yourself about your past relationships and what you need from a potential partner:
- What kinds of people have you been attracted in the past?
- Are there common themes among the people you’ve dated?
- Do they have personality traits in common?
- Are they similar in physical appearance?
- How have your past relationships worked out?
- Are there things you want to do differently this time around? What are they?
- What do you hope to gain from meeting someone new?
Prioritizing what is important to you will help you discover what you NEED versus what you want — which is the formula for finding happiness in the dating world.