How often have you heard that the key to relationships lies in communication? They make it sounds so easy. That just opening your mouth, forming words and projecting your feelings out to the other person will make the situation, issue, easy.
We know that isn’t true. Communication while dating is anything but easy.
In a recent article posted on HuffingtonPost.com about trials and tribulations of singles, a woman talked about a valuable lesson about communication she has learned:
I can see now that six years ago when my relationship disintegrated in a midtown living room that my ex and I were trying to form sentences out of a language we didn’t know yet. Like tourists, we were reduced to translating through hand gestures and shoulder shrugs, trying to make clarity out of confusing and overwhelming feelings.
People think communication is about discussing the issues, getting the hard stuff off your chest. True, but it is a small element to a much larger recipe. What about the moments between the big blow-out disagreements? What about the moments after you get home from work? Or while you are reading the paper?
Foundations for how you handle the big issues are laid during less stressful moments.
Make Time to Connect
Life shouldn’t exist between Netflix binge watching. Take the time to connect at the end of the day. This could be just hanging out on the patio, discussing work and whatever thoughts cross your mind. Ask her questions about the business meeting she was preparing for this morning. Inquire as to if he heard back from the client regarding his bid on a contract. Being interested in the other person’s life helps strengthen the bonds in your relationship.
Sooner Rather Than Later
If there is an issue, make your feelings or concerns known as soon as possible. Simmering anger only builds layers of resentment that interferes with communication. Along the same lines, address the issues face-to-face with your partner and not via text, email . . . or your friends. This is more courtesy and simple respect.
We all communicate a bit differently when it comes to expressing our love for others. If there is something you need to feel warm and fuzzy, let your loved one know. Don’t assume they know or the worst when they fall short in a certain area. By letting them know what you need, you help to establish the path towards making connections that will help your relationship.
Be Proactive, Not Reactive
Communication takes work . . . and work. It’s not a matter of syncing schedules for Friday night happy hour but a daily check in to see how they are doing and also how the two of you are doing. Don’t be afraid to ask the hard questions regarding the relationship. When you both are on the same page, it is easy to head in the same direction. Don’t wait for an emergency to erupt.
— Happy Communicating.