According to a survey of singles, the majority said judging ones date was the most common error they made (35%).
We’ve all done it, especially while in the midst of dating. Shallow, stereotypical and incredibly insensitive as it may be, we often make the mistake of judging the person on the other side of the table negatively without giving them a chance.
Passing judgment on someone is really about finding the areas in which they are lacking or qualities that you don’t approve of. Pre-judging your date or looking for the negative is a way of finding the area to reject someone before they have a chance to do it to you. It’s like laying the foundation for why it wouldn’t work out before you even order an appetizer.
The problem with this negative spiral is that our mind doesn’t only focus on the person on the other side of the table. Dating can open the door to criticizing ourselves or ruminating over what we did wrong. When we focus on the negative, we aren’t seeing what it is we have to offer a potential match. And, worse, it becomes a nasty habit easily triggered by the next first date.
The 2 For 1 Rule
Sometimes our thoughts are so automatic that we don’t realize when it has started down Judgement Road. It takes time to develop this awareness ( not so easy but worth it). When you notice your thoughts leaning towards being judgmental or critical, substitute with TWO positive observations. One negative thought for two positive. The goal is to break the habit of spiraling into negativity.
Shifting our focus from the negative to the positive helps to lay the tracks to permanent habits that increase our happiness in all areas of our lives.