I know someone who once said that dating shouldn’t be hard . . . or unexpected. There wasn’t any drama about whether his girlfriend dug him or if she would say yes. In fact, when someone asked about their plans for the future, he turned to her and said, “Well, she just needs to pick the day.” That was the proposal. He just knew. She just knew. It worked for them. They’ve been married about 36 years.
Is it possible for two people to be on the same wavelength? Or is it more about just knowing when you found the one?
Most people have an idea of what constitutes a desirable mate. There are times we fixate on appearances, income or lifestyle and don’t focus on the quality of the relationship. The live wire spark of initial attraction will wane . . . emotional intimacy is what is needed to weather the storms ahead.
Emotional intimacy the ability to share your truest, deepest and most vulnerable self with the other person. It’s how comfortable you are being yourself when you’re around them and how often you laugh, have fun and feel supported.
Think of a relationship as a long term investment. It requires time, effort and devotion. There will be low days and high days. The trick is to ride it out — together.
Here are a few questions or areas to look at before you decide that this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with:
Listen to Each Other?
Listening to the other person doesn’t just mean letting them speak. It’s not figuring out what you want to say while they’re speaking. Listening means letting them express themselves, hearing the emotions and thoughts they may not be expressing. It means that you take the time to understand their view, thoughts and they do the same for you.
Most people aren’t sure exactly what it is, but they know it when they feel it. If you have good chemistry with someone, you’ll want to spend more time with them. It’s the emotional connection present when you are with your loved one — the warm fuzzies. Being around the other person gives you positive feelings that make you want to spend even more time with them. It’s a nice little loop that helps to bring the two of you closer.
Compatibility is a natural alignment of lifestyle choices and values between two people. Do you want the same from life? How aligned are your goals for children? Where to live? One of the big areas often overlooked involve views on money. Some feel it is something to be spent, others as something to be saved. Different views and values can make for a rocky path.
The magic of couples is the time they spend with other people or furthering their personal interests alone. We all need time away from the other person to grow, develop and pursue our own agendas. Time away can enhance couple time . . . and should be a priority for both parties.
Make You a Better Person?
The interesting thing about relationships is that they are like ingredients. Each friendship, acquaintance and significant other adds their unique spice to our life. The person that is right for you will enhance your life, make you a better person. They support and cheer on your dreams while holding your hand, or pulling you, towards reaching your goals.
In relationships, as in life, timing is everything. We all get to different stages of emotional growth at different times and there is no right or wrong path.
It happens when you are ready. And when you are ready . . . you will know.