The most important aspect of a first date is to get to know the other person a little better. This sounds easy but there are two things working against you here.
If you’re wondering whether or not you are saying the right thing, if you look good in this light or if she can see your bald spot, you’re going to miss out on the things you should be paying attention to — like your date.
By spending too much time in your thoughts and not focused on the other person, how can you get a true sense of who your date is? How will you know if YOU want to see them again? And if you’re in your head, you are not revealing the best of you to them.
Truth is, they’re going to like you or not. Why not put your best effort into the date and pay attention to them.
Like nerves, this waves our attention from our date. The difference is that distractions are the little things we choose to focus on outside of our heads but not on the person in front of us. Perhaps the bar is a bit loud. Maybe you’re not interested in gardening. Chances are that after a few moments of conversation, you start checking your watch, glancing at the TV over their shoulder or, worse, your phone.
Attention is a gift that is easy to reciprocate. Resisting distractions shows you are attentive, engaged and interested. All of which acts as a powerful aphrodisiac in the dating world.
In short, you need to step outside of your head but avoid focusing on every little thing outside the two-person circle. Lean in. Listen to what they are saying. Ask follow up questions.
Paying attention to the moment and your date will give you a better understanding of who they are. And, after all, that is what dating is all about.