Everyone goes through a Negative Nelly or Dr. Gloom and Doom phase. It’s easy to focus on the dark spots of dating, like the huge efforts for little return or putting your best foot out there only to get it stomped on by an insensitive dinner partner.
If you are a bit pessimistic about the dating world, perhaps it is time to shed some light on the subject in time for spring.
According to life coach and wellness guru Martha Beck, attention is a powerful ingredient that “amplifies and accelerates the situations on which it is focused.” For example:
- When making a dash towards the goal, did you know that hockey players rarely look at the man guarding the net but the spaces, holes and areas around him for shooting the puck? Focus on the goalie and you will pass the puck directly to him.
- When troubleshooting a problem at work, looking at possible solutions rather than placing blame for how it occurred is slightly more productive. Focus your attention on finding ways to recover and move forward rather than pointing fingers and getting defensive when your dating life isn’t up to par.
- When riding a motorcycle, it is imperative that you look where you want to go or your bike will follow your gaze to the pretty brunette walking her dog.
“Your life follows your attention. Wherever you look, you end up going.” — Martha Beck
If you focus your attention on the less desirable aspects of dating, that is pretty much what you will get in the end. Our task on each date is to keep the negatives on the bench so we can focus our full attention on the joyful, exciting and learning aspects that the process can offer.
Here are a few ways to funnel your energy into a more positive dating outlook:
FOCUS ON FUN, FRIENDSHIP
Date with the intention of making a new friend. rather than expecting to meet your life partner. That’s a lot of pressure for anyone over a cup of Joe. Instead, think of it as expanding your circle of friends one person at a time. By expecting less and focusing on the positive, you’ll have more fun and less performance anxiety.
FOCUS ON A POSITIVE END
Whether you are meeting your date or just bumping into a cute stranger at the deli counter, beginning with the end in mind. See yourself as making friends and enjoying the moment you spend with them. Enter every situation with a vision of the best possible ending in your mind – they adore you, you are awesome. This will actually create a positive vibe and everyone loves to gravitate towards the positive. We’re like houseplants bending towards sunlight — flash your pearly whites and think positive. It will pay off in dividends.
FOCUS ON ONE POSITIVE ASPECT WITH EVERY ENCOUNTER
Every situation offers us a chance to learn a bit more about our self and what we want out of life.Pick a quality or characteristic that you enjoyed or would like to see in your future mate. As you progress on your dating journey, you’ll be exposed to new types of people and new ideas. Even if a date doesn’t go as planned, you will still have a take away to help you grow. That’s what makes life and dating so exciting.
Think good thoughts and get out there. Your ideal match is waiting for you.