It is easy on a first date or when you come face-to-face with the person you later swear to your besties is the one to let your “wish list” fall to the wayside. In fact, it ends up crumbled up on the floor, under your bed and found when your nursing a broken heart and looking for something to wipe away the tears.
There’s a reason why I ask each of my clients to describe their ideal mate. Knowing what you want and who you’re looking for helps you find the right person — not the right now person.
Create a list of all the qualities and characteristics that you feel are important, in a relationship and in a partner. You may find that you have very specific ideas about what you DON’T want based upon former relationships, but you need to go deeper than that. What does she/he look like? How does your dream person interact with family?
List about 20 qualities that mean something to you. Think about the people you have dated or connected with in the past. Then separate the list into two: the deal breakers and the ideals.
Deal breakers are traits that are non-negotiable. These are your goals, values and life choices. If you opt to ride a bike or walk to reduce your carbon footprint, you probably are not going to want to date the guy who owns a Hummer. Want to have kids? Perhaps that is a deal breaker for someone who places an emphasize on traveling the world.
Your ideals are those dream traits that you would like to see your potential mate have. This includes a great sense of humor, blue eyes and tall. These are list items that you HOPE your mate has but are willing to give up for the right person. Like shopping for a home, these are the little sacrifices to be made when you find the dream come true.
By prioritizing which qualities are important and which are ideal, you’ll discover what you’re absolutely unwilling to accept and where you’ve got some flexibility.